it is 1:34 a.m. and i cannot sleep...i think it is because i spent all day packing, so the fact that i am soon-to-be homeless has finally hit. i actually don't have as much stuff as i thought, which is encouraging since it is everything i own in these boxes...but still...i would like to not have to store them in random garages for who knows how long (especially since it's been 100 degrees everyday...luckily, paper doesn't melt).

i have always loved to travel...crossed an ocean by myself at 13...but lately i have been wanting a home. not a place for my crap. i'd like to have somewhere that is comfortable, even if only to me. somewhere that has an ugly chair that only makes sense when you sit in it, too much butter in the fridge because i don't really cook, a roommate that laughs at how dumb i am most of the time, and worn down carpet in-front of the door from people coming in and out all the time. even if i'm only in Little Rock for a few years...i'd like home.

change is a really strange thing...exciting, and even necessary, but really disturbing too. i don't even know how many "To do" lists i have made in the past several weeks...and i'm about to spend some time making more. the making of the lists makes me feel better...like i'm getting a grip on what needs to be done. however they don't actually seem to help get anything done.
tricky.
the whole "change is necessary for growth"...technically, of course this is true...you can't stay the same and grow at the same time...so i get that. but change does not absolutely mean growth...you could be going backwards, or in the wrong direction while you change, right?
all that to say, change is scary...

oh, and if anyone in Little Rock needs a roommate...let me know. =)

question...

which is more important: a citizen's safety or a criminal's freedom?

wish me luck everyone...i go off to face a beast in the morning. do you remember the big scary wolf in The Neverending Story? well, that is what i am going to face...a big scary nothing that is totally impossible to please, no matter what i say.

but until then, the white wine currently on my table and in my glass is sweet and smooth...what more could i need? goodnight, sweet friends.