i have moved into a house that is brand new and WAY too nice...it's the kind of house that the popular kids lived in when i was in elementary school. crazy times. i am not sure yet if it will work out long term...the owner of the house has lots of rules...and i am NOT good with rules...but even for a little while, it is a blessing.
i had an epiphany the other day that i thought i would share...even if only to reiterate it to myself. here it is: most of the time, i have trouble believing that God really cares about me. i mean...me, personally, charla blakelock...that HE cares for me. and then if i can get that part, then i have trouble with the grace side of things...that He will still love me and take care of me even if i suck...which i usually do. now for the epiphany part: this past semester was probably one of the more shabby times of my life. not that anything bad happened to me, but rather that i was bad...was definitely not seeking the way i should, or even asking for help when i needed it. and yet, here i sit, and God provided me with an incredible job, a great community, even a place to live. so i was not asking for help, i was not living right, i was not doing anything the way i should...and God still looked out for me. woh. for someone with my kind-of black and white, doubting brain...that is huge. i didn't come through on ANY part of my end of the deal...and God was faithful in EVERY way. ouch. it's not right, really...it certainly isn't fair, that the Creator of the Universe looks out for a scumbag like me. and yet, He does. and even if i don't understand...and if i don't care...and definitely when i don't deserve it...none of this changes who He is. none of what i do changes His faithfulness. nothing that happens will ever change what He has set out to accomplish. yikes...i would say that leaves a person speechless, although clearly it does not. i will say that it makes me wonder...how many times is God going to have to teach me this same lesson before i really get it? probably every day, for the rest of my life.
i don't know how to say Thank You. i pray that i won't ever give up trying to figure that out.
i had an epiphany the other day that i thought i would share...even if only to reiterate it to myself. here it is: most of the time, i have trouble believing that God really cares about me. i mean...me, personally, charla blakelock...that HE cares for me. and then if i can get that part, then i have trouble with the grace side of things...that He will still love me and take care of me even if i suck...which i usually do. now for the epiphany part: this past semester was probably one of the more shabby times of my life. not that anything bad happened to me, but rather that i was bad...was definitely not seeking the way i should, or even asking for help when i needed it. and yet, here i sit, and God provided me with an incredible job, a great community, even a place to live. so i was not asking for help, i was not living right, i was not doing anything the way i should...and God still looked out for me. woh. for someone with my kind-of black and white, doubting brain...that is huge. i didn't come through on ANY part of my end of the deal...and God was faithful in EVERY way. ouch. it's not right, really...it certainly isn't fair, that the Creator of the Universe looks out for a scumbag like me. and yet, He does. and even if i don't understand...and if i don't care...and definitely when i don't deserve it...none of this changes who He is. none of what i do changes His faithfulness. nothing that happens will ever change what He has set out to accomplish. yikes...i would say that leaves a person speechless, although clearly it does not. i will say that it makes me wonder...how many times is God going to have to teach me this same lesson before i really get it? probably every day, for the rest of my life.
i don't know how to say Thank You. i pray that i won't ever give up trying to figure that out.
posted by Charla at 4:48 PM
2 Comments:
wow, wally riding with me would be outstanding. we should make that happen. when is everyone leaving LR? you gots my numbah? (479.264.0641 - now i'm gonna get phone stalked. oh, the internet!)
grace and mercy...we use those words a lot but i know for me i still don't understand them fully...
oh and im totally calling johnnie raines over and over again....(and again)
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