i have a Pappaw. he is sick and had to be moved to a nursing home this year. his memory is all but gone. i have not seen him all year...not since Christmas...which currently marks me the most terrible member of the family, even if i'm the only one that thinks this. i'm not sure what to do about all of this. i'm not sure you're "allowed" to grieve someone before they actually die...but my Pappaw is already gone. emotions are strange and mysterious things...however i am certain that this is what "sad" in it's purest form feels like. that's enough for today.