Day 1

Wow...if you have not yet read Kat's entry about her experience today, please do so.

I have sponsored 2 children in the past; 1 through World Vision, and 1 through Compassion International. With each child, money got tight and I could not afford to continue supporting them. I often wonder what happened to them. It breaks my heart a little to think about it.

What is worse is when I think: why did I quit? I am sure that I was not rolling in cash...that has never been my story, and I pray that that continues. But I know I wasn't going hungry. I was having fun in college...maybe even still finding money to go to a movie occasionally. I don't know what else to say about it...except I feel like a jerk.

40 Day Fast

Exciting things are about to happen here in the blogging world! Recently, I have been introduced to a community of bloggers that have really challenged me on many levels...in many areas of my life. And I am SO excited about participating in the upcoming 40 Day Fast. The general idea is that, starting tomorrow, 1 blogger will choose an issue to fast and pray on for that day, and then write about the experience. By the end of this event, there will be 40 different world issues that this community has learned about and prayed for. If prayer truly has power...and we know this to be true...then we are about to seriously change lives in the world around us, and abroad.

Kat is the organizer of all of this...she is kicking things off tomorrow. PLEASE keep up with this...there is a schedule on my sidebar with links to each of the bloggers that are involved. I have copied Kat's suggestions below of how we can all join together for the next 40 days.

Get Involved
I hope that everyone reading this right now will participate in some way. Here are a few ways you can still get involved:

1. Follow along each day and read about each of the causes.
2. Place one of the logos on the sidebar of your blog.
3. Post a link each day to the blogger who is fasting.
4. Join us in fasting on the 40th day (July 31st).
5. Get involved in one of the organizations mentioned each day.
6. Start your own 40 day fast from your blog.

Pray
Another way you can get involved is to pray:

• Pray that our hearts would break for the need in the world and the need next door.
• Pray that we’d live as though we know that we’re given strength to help the weak, we’re given plenty to help the poor and we’re given hope to help the hopeless.
• Pray that we’d look for need in our daily lives.
• Pray that we’d recognize excess in our daily lives.
• Pray that we wouldn’t despise small beginnings.
• Pray that we’d take a step, however small it need be, to break the inertia of our complacency.
• Pray that people would truly be helped as a result of the next 40 days.
• Pray that the world would seem a whole lot smaller to us after July 31st.

How do you plan to get involved?

“They who are of the opinion that Money will do everything, may very well be suspected to do everything for Money.”
- Halifax (1633-1695)

oh man

how i WISH that i could copy the article i just read and paste into this here blog for you all to read. alas, that would be plagiarism. so instead i will just tell you about it, briefly, and hope you will seek it out yourself.

today i received an article, courtesy of Christianity Today's free email newsletter. (i have to admit that for every great article, there are 30 that are ridiculous...but today was a good one...ok, continue...) the article was concerning the best-selling book The Secret. i had not heard of this book yet, but MAN it sounds sadly ridiculous. ridiculous because it is the ultimate in self-help, self-centered, American ego-centric nonsense. and sad because this is the 20th week that it has been at the top of New York Time's best-sellers list...so people are clearly buying into this crap.

now that i think about it...anything more i write will be a sad summary of the article itself, which is brilliant. if you are interested, go to the Christianity Today web site. it is in the June 2007 newsletter, and the title is: The Secret Exposed.

i will leave you with one teaser quote:
The Secret, you see, is all about the self—it's for the self, obsessed with the self. Newsweek offers this critique: "On an ethical level, The Secret appears deplorable. It concerns itself almost entirely with a narrow range of middle-class concerns—houses, cars, and vacations, followed by health and relationships, with the rest of humanity a very distant sixth."

just for fun...

i promise not to make a habit of this...i realize no one wants to read surveys in their free time. but this one looked interesting. so here it is:

thirty-nine secrets about yourself.
[be honest no matter what.]

[one] what is your natural hair color?
[honestly] dark blonde

[two] where was your default picture taken?
[honestly] Pamela's wedding

[three] what's your middle name?
[honestly] caye

[four] your current relationship status?
[honestly] single

[five] does your crush like you back?
[honestly] i don't have a crush...right now... :)

[six] what is your current mood?
[honestly] passive

[seven] what color underwear are you wearing?
[honestly] blue

[eight] what makes you happy?
[honestly] family, friends, laughter

[ten] if you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
[honestly] i'd go to class more...those last 2 years were really stupid on my part

[eleven] if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
[honestly] maybe a tiger...they're awesome

[twelve] ever had a near death experience?
[honestly] no...at least, not that i recognized

[thirteen] something you do a lot....?
[honestly] laugh

[fourteen] what's the name of the song stuck in your head right
[honestly] "falling softly"

[fifteen] who did you copy and paste this from?
[honestly] lainey morrow

[sixteen] name someone with the same birthday as you?
[honestly] i don't know of anyone

[seventeen] when was the last time you cried?
[honestly] don't remember

[eighteen] have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
[honestly] lots of times

[nineteen] if you could have one super power what would it be?
[honestly] flying superfast would be cool...then i could go to Germany for the weekend, for free!

[twenty] what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
[honestly] height

[twenty-one] what do you usually order from starbucks?
[honestly] white mocha, extra espresso

[twenty-three] favorite color?
[honestly] white...even though its not really a "color"

[twenty-four] when was the last time you lied?
[honestly] yesterday

[twenty-five] do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
[honestly] when i'm with my niece

twenty-six] what are you eating or drinking at the moment?
[honestly] nothing

[twenty-seven] do you speak any other language?
[honestly] i used to speak very basic German, but i've lost most of it

[twenty-eight] what's your favorite smell?
[honestly] folded sheets

[twenty-nine] if you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
[honestly] unexpected

[thirty] when was the last time you gave/received a hug?
[honestly] don't know

[thirty-one] have you ever been kissed in the rain?
[honestly] yah

[thirty-two] what are you thinking about right now?
[honestly] my year-end review for work

[thirty-three] what should you be doing?
[honestly] my year-end review for work :)

[thirty-four] what was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
[honestly] Jeb, the horse-dog

[thirty-six] do you like working in the yard?
[honestly] not really

[thirty-seven] if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
[honestly] rousseau, just because it looks AND sounds good :)

[thirty-eight] do you act differently around your crush?
[honestly] i probably would if i had one

[thirty-nine] name one song that reminds you of an ex?
[honestly] full house - old garth brooks song

there are conversations, and then there are GREAT conversations. the great-ness comes when you are speaking with someone you trust...you trust them enough to let your true thoughts come out...thoughts that you hadn't even realized yet.

last night, i had a GREAT conversation with a sweet friend, Bek. about all sorts of things. but during this conversation, i realized something pretty revolutionary. i realized that i am sick of trying to be in control of my life. i do not WANT to make decisions anymore. i do not WANT to be the leader anymore. i want to follow someone...i feel like i am ready to follow someone.

this is huge. this thinking is completely foreign to my little control-freak brain. i have constantly struggled to relinquish control to anyone...i am a female that ENJOYS making decisions...so what is going ON???

i will tell you...its God. He's after me. and i reckon He's been after me for a long-time. we've been family for years...(i sort-of expected the chase to have ended by now)...but i've never felt my NEED for Him as strongly as i do now. maybe it is because, from experience, i know for certain that i will screw things up on my own. because i have...screwed things up, that is. but now i think that another part of this is that He is molding me to be a follower, not a leader. He is trimming away at my independent self...my soap-box loving fighter side. i do not need to "step up"...i need to step down.

i'll admit it: scary.

the tall italian

i realize i have completely dropped the ball thus far on blogging...i rarely ever write anything. and now that i have been to Africa and back, surely a good story is called for, right? there are WAY too many meaningful moments to share...so instead i will share a bit of the absurd.


on my way back to the states, i had a 9.5 hour flight from London to Dallas. for some reason the people in Africa did not check me in for this flight...so by the time i got to the counter in London, all the good seats were gone. i was stuck in the middle seat of 3. luckily, i am 5'2"...this phrase does not often pass my lips. but on airplanes, being short has MAJOR advantages, not least of which is ample leg room. while waiting to board the plane, i noticed an amazingly tall italian man. i would LOVE to be able to adequately describe this man to you, but i know anything i could say would not do him justice. so let me only mention that he was wearing a matching blue wind-suit (jacket and pants), gold jewelry, huge white kicks, and was seriously 6'6", at least. i noticed him only in passing as we were waiting to board. (note: there was an italian man residing in Arkadelphia for a while named Bruno, and this man was a tall version of him. i realize that Bek is probably the only person that will understand what that means...but there it is.)

now, i am not a "push-to-the-front" kind of girl when it comes to boarding planes. i see no reason to get to my seat as quickly as possible, when i will be occupying that space for a very long time anyway. so i am always one of the last people to board. it was not a surprise, then, that both of my neighbors were already seated. and i am SURE you are smart enough to know that one of these neighbors was none other than the tall italian man. as i made eye-contact with him, i could tell i was in for an interesting flight. he had the armrest up, in an effort to spread out as much as possible. and as i sat down, he immediately began to flirt, hoping that i would grant him all of my extra space as well. at one point within the first hour...change that, before we had even leveled off from our ascent...he actually said "can you tell that i am hitting on you?" i replied "yes" and he laughed and put his arm around me. apparently if i had been turned off, i would have hit him. my mistake.

i cannot begin to remember everything that was said...so here is what i learned during that flight: the man in question was named Eddie, and i am NOT lying when i tell you he is usually called "Eddie Spaghetti". he is a chef and he is good at everything, of course. he has a sweetheart in Dallas, but that did not compel him to refrain from petting my arm, laying his head on my shoulder, winking, etc. he feels that because i am 26 and unmarried, i will certainly want to see him again. tattoos of any kind translate as invitations...having 3 is definitely dangerous. the gap between 26 and 42 (Eddie's age) only means that he gets to be "exciting" in my eyes. and the only peace to be had around italian men is when they are asleep.

so...there is the absurd story. if you do not know me very well, this might seem strange to you...how did i manage to sit next to THIS man, you might ask? if you know me well, you are shaking your head, filing this story away as simply one more ridiculous thing that we will laugh about when next we meet.